It's never fun to be awoken from a deep sleep. Especially when the culprit is a shrieking ring tone after a night of debauchery. But this was the situation I found myself in on this Tuesday morning.
After trying to ignore it's cries, I finally submitted after the third call. "Rodolfo where are you?" Oh shit, I have plans to meet a friend at the Taj for a noon poker tournament. After assuring my presence, I noticed a brief forty five minute window before the tournament started. In the old days you had to be registered before the start time to insure a seat.
So I found the strength to eject my aching body out of bed and stumbled into the shower. After finally leaving it's warm comfort, I began to dress. Socks, shirt, pants oh fuck, no underwear. Yes it has been some time since I did the laundry. Now I'm a germaphobe. There is no way I'm wearing an old pair of underwear. Going commando seemed to be the logical option, however scraping my warrior against the unforgiving zipper didn't appear like an inviting situation.
Then I noticed something, lying on the bottom of the closet was a pink pokadot thong with a pink ribbon on the back. It belonged to my girlfriend and suddenly, I had an idea. I felt weird as I slipped it on. The string riding up my ass was uncomfortable to say the least. My pouch was spilling out and I had a sense of paranoia that somehow, someone was watching. I felt dirty as I stared in the mirror at myself sporting this piece of female lingerie but I must admit my portly ass did look banging.
It is what it is, so after making sure no evidence could be seen, I found the courage to enter society. From the second I left my door the feeling of paranoia took over. It felt like everyone I passed had xray vision and I would be labeled a cross dresser. My friend noticed something wrong with my demeanor but I blamed it on being stoned.
The first half hour at the table was uncomfortable to say the least but then the thong was all but forgotten. My pouch adjusted, the string no longer felt like a wedgie and I must admit it became quite comfortable.
We took a scheduled break after the first hour and I waited in line to use the urinal. Just as I unzipped the front of my pants, reality kicked in. I was overwhelmed with panic. There I was standing in a bathroom with a line of men waiting to piss, trying to find a way to free myself from the clutches of the thong. With no opening in the front, I decided the best course of action was to retreat to the stall where I sat and pissed like a girl.
Now I was shook. The fear of detection had set in but like before, within an hour I was at peace. I normally don't talk to anyone when I play. The cranky weird persona of poker players leaves a lot to be desired. But like everything in life there are exceptions to the rule. I began to have a conversation with the player to my right. Some bitter old bastard kept complaing about not getting a hand and we shared our views on the pile of filth that inhabits poker rooms. Then the conversation moved to sports and continued on for about forty five minutes.
"OK guys were breaking this table, pick a card to get your new table assignment." "Nice talking with you Rodolfo." We both joked about the potential neighbor that lurked at the next table but as I reached across the felt to grab my seat card, I was alarmed by a yell of "Dude!?" It was a tone that can only be described as shock and horror. I turned to see an expression of disgust on the face of the player whom I had conversed with. Then I felt a breeze on my lower back and reality set in. The thong was exposed!
My shirt had ridden up and the pink pokadot thong with a pink ribbon had been visible to the world. I was frozen with embarrassment. What can you say? I was relieved when this guy marched to his table. I did find humor in the thought of this guy believing the decent person he met at the table was really a cross dresser.
Thankfully the story was not passed on to the remaining participants and I'm sure it's the last time he will ever think positive of a poker player. So I feel in some way I made a positive contribution to the world.
I was able to pull myself together and final table the tournament. In fact I got very lucky on a number of hands. So lucky I decided to use the thong as a good luck charm. Before you judge me, I feel it's necessary to point out Jason Giambi and Derek Jetter wore a golden thong while trying to break a batting slump.
Years later I found myself in a terrible slump. I had not cashed for twenty three straight tournaments on Full Tilt and my player account had dwindled down to twenty eight dollars. I entered a 24 dollar 15k guarantee six max bounty tournament with over 1200 runners. My roommate was working so I decided to sport the thong in the hopes of turning things around.
Seven hours later I emerged victorious to the tune of 3900 dollars. The first place finish cemented my belief in the thong. I made it a tradition to sport the thong when making a final table.
Unfortunately the governments Nazi like crackdown on Online Poker has prevented more nights of grandeur. However, WSOP.com is expected to launch within weeks. And something tells me the thong will be joining me at many final tables.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
The Club
Everything that guy said is bullshit. Thank you. These words were spoken by Vincent LaGuardia Gambini. It sums up in the most simplistic terms what every attorney tells the jury on behalf of their client's case.
I can still remember sitting in that old movie theater on Bell Boulevard in 1992. My parents were in the final stages of their marriage and this was another pathetic attempt at a family outing. Why they choose this place to watch a movie, I'll never know. This was a popular movie being shown in a number of theaters far closer to our house.
Worse yet, this place was a dump. Sitting in front of us was some slime ball with a head of hair that looked like a ravaged bird's nest. He scratched this pathetic sweaty dome with a level of aggression that I have never seen before nor since. "No class." My mother muttered under her breath.
I found this display funny and stuffed my mouth with popcorn soaked in vegetable oil. About ten minutes into the movie I felt a strange tickling sensation on my finger resting in the tub of stale popcorn. As the feeling continued, I decided to shuffle the large cardboard tub and was greeted by a roach the size of a hand grenade. Well at the time that's what I thought. Needless to say he was a big bastard and although the theater is still in operation, I have never returned.
As I watch and listen to these politicians and political analysts I am filled with rage, disgust, and sometimes laughter. It also makes me think less of people, which is a scary thought for those who know my true feelings of humanity.
Fox News is a station that has brainwashed and decreased the IQ of millions. The elderly and ignorant are most susceptible and I now have a better understanding of the power of fear propaganda.
There are so many issues to cover. Healthcare, freedom of choice, jobs etc. But this is about something else, something I refer to as The Club.
I have always wished for one day with no law. My list is extensive, animal abusers, rapists, various poker players would suffer in ways I'm almost embarrassed to disclose.
But after the last eight years I've gotten greedy. One day wont be enough, I want one year. A good portion of that glorious time would be reigning down vengeance on the Republican Party. Or better known as The Club.
Willard Romney, you know him as Mitt. Why do they call him by his middle name? I remember hearing this awkward piece of shit telling some feel good story involving his father. The best part was when his dad said, "hey Mitt." Are you serious, even your dad called you by your middle name?
Well Willard made a point during this address on how issues are best left out of the Government's hands. Sounds fair. The people should vote then the state should handle it, or better yet the private sector. This is how small business and the economy grows.
This is all well and good until the issue turns to marijuana. The people voted and to Willard's delight the private sector took over. I mean dispensaries generated millions. Jobs were created and it seems this was the exact situation our Republican hero was talking about.
Did you know an estimated six million Americans were playing Online Poker before black Friday? Poker has been part of American culture since It's inception. Online stats show over fifty thousand Americans were exceeding one hundred thousand dollars a year in profits. The player's have no problem paying taxes as long as the sites are regulated, this would not only translate to thousands of jobs for people who work for the site's but also hundreds of millions if not billion's in tax revenue.
But wait, we can't let people smoke pot or play Online Poker. It's a danger to America's youth. The Republican leaders are very concerned about these things.
But for some reason I fail to hear the concern about Philip Morris. You know the company that dispenses cigarettes. The product sold in stores and news stands across the country. Lung Cancer, emphysema, physical addiction are some of the effects this accepted product causes. Where are the concerned Republicans on this one?
Anheuser Busch, Coors and many others are given a pass as well. Alcohol is legally sold and advertised under the nose of these socially concerned Republicans. This product can lead to physical addiction, liver damage and accounts for death and violence in many forms. Better yet, cigarettes and alcohol are abused by Americas youth on an astronomical scale. Have you ever been on a college campus?
But Philip Morris and the Anheuser Busch's of the world belong to something that the local pot dispenser or online pro don't. The Club. The Club doesn't want you to work for yourself, no they want you to work for them. Minus the benefits and fair pay. And please don't complain about it, because now you are a divider. Or worse yet, seeking entitlement's. Part of the 47% as Willard would say. It's funny how people who complain about these unfair treatments corporate America bestows upon them are promoting class warfare but when the wealthy outsource jobs, refuse benefits and cut pay that's not class warfare. No that's what your entitled to do when part of The Club.
A free society should give the citizens proper information on vices, alcohol, drugs, gambling. Then allow the citizens to choose. This Country has and continues to waste trillions on The War on Drugs. Not only has this done nothing to deter drug use, it also empowers international criminal organizations around the world.
Legalizing all drugs is something that I'll devote an entire blog too but for now lets stick with pot. Willard says there is no need for Medical Marijuana because we already have drugs to deal with pain, nausea, loss of appetite and anxiety. That's true but what our Republican friends forget to tell you are all the side effects that these designer drugs carry. Liver damage, addiction, interactions with other meds and the list goes on and on. I laugh when marijuana is referred to as a gateway drug. Have you ever herd of OxyContin? I worked in a Pharmacy for six years and can tell you pain meds are one of the biggest problems in society for all ages and financial classes.
So why don't we give a natural product that is not physically addictive a chance? Well the company's that dispense the Vicodin, Oxy's, Dilaudid, Soma, Paxil etc. would be out billions of dollars. And that can't happen when your part of The Club.
People are dumb. The image of a tall clean cut older white guy in a suit tends to justify all the bullshit that comes out of these people's mouths. Weather it's touting the Bile while financially doing the opposite. {I don't think Jesus would agree with the Republican's stance on healthcare either} Or scaring people on the danger's of marijuana and poker while allowing alcohol, cigarettes, designer drugs to pad The Club's pockets. I think Mr. Gambini had it right.
Everything That Guy said is Bullshit.
I can still remember sitting in that old movie theater on Bell Boulevard in 1992. My parents were in the final stages of their marriage and this was another pathetic attempt at a family outing. Why they choose this place to watch a movie, I'll never know. This was a popular movie being shown in a number of theaters far closer to our house.
Worse yet, this place was a dump. Sitting in front of us was some slime ball with a head of hair that looked like a ravaged bird's nest. He scratched this pathetic sweaty dome with a level of aggression that I have never seen before nor since. "No class." My mother muttered under her breath.
I found this display funny and stuffed my mouth with popcorn soaked in vegetable oil. About ten minutes into the movie I felt a strange tickling sensation on my finger resting in the tub of stale popcorn. As the feeling continued, I decided to shuffle the large cardboard tub and was greeted by a roach the size of a hand grenade. Well at the time that's what I thought. Needless to say he was a big bastard and although the theater is still in operation, I have never returned.
As I watch and listen to these politicians and political analysts I am filled with rage, disgust, and sometimes laughter. It also makes me think less of people, which is a scary thought for those who know my true feelings of humanity.
Fox News is a station that has brainwashed and decreased the IQ of millions. The elderly and ignorant are most susceptible and I now have a better understanding of the power of fear propaganda.
There are so many issues to cover. Healthcare, freedom of choice, jobs etc. But this is about something else, something I refer to as The Club.
I have always wished for one day with no law. My list is extensive, animal abusers, rapists, various poker players would suffer in ways I'm almost embarrassed to disclose.
But after the last eight years I've gotten greedy. One day wont be enough, I want one year. A good portion of that glorious time would be reigning down vengeance on the Republican Party. Or better known as The Club.
Willard Romney, you know him as Mitt. Why do they call him by his middle name? I remember hearing this awkward piece of shit telling some feel good story involving his father. The best part was when his dad said, "hey Mitt." Are you serious, even your dad called you by your middle name?
Well Willard made a point during this address on how issues are best left out of the Government's hands. Sounds fair. The people should vote then the state should handle it, or better yet the private sector. This is how small business and the economy grows.
This is all well and good until the issue turns to marijuana. The people voted and to Willard's delight the private sector took over. I mean dispensaries generated millions. Jobs were created and it seems this was the exact situation our Republican hero was talking about.
Did you know an estimated six million Americans were playing Online Poker before black Friday? Poker has been part of American culture since It's inception. Online stats show over fifty thousand Americans were exceeding one hundred thousand dollars a year in profits. The player's have no problem paying taxes as long as the sites are regulated, this would not only translate to thousands of jobs for people who work for the site's but also hundreds of millions if not billion's in tax revenue.
But wait, we can't let people smoke pot or play Online Poker. It's a danger to America's youth. The Republican leaders are very concerned about these things.
But for some reason I fail to hear the concern about Philip Morris. You know the company that dispenses cigarettes. The product sold in stores and news stands across the country. Lung Cancer, emphysema, physical addiction are some of the effects this accepted product causes. Where are the concerned Republicans on this one?
Anheuser Busch, Coors and many others are given a pass as well. Alcohol is legally sold and advertised under the nose of these socially concerned Republicans. This product can lead to physical addiction, liver damage and accounts for death and violence in many forms. Better yet, cigarettes and alcohol are abused by Americas youth on an astronomical scale. Have you ever been on a college campus?
But Philip Morris and the Anheuser Busch's of the world belong to something that the local pot dispenser or online pro don't. The Club. The Club doesn't want you to work for yourself, no they want you to work for them. Minus the benefits and fair pay. And please don't complain about it, because now you are a divider. Or worse yet, seeking entitlement's. Part of the 47% as Willard would say. It's funny how people who complain about these unfair treatments corporate America bestows upon them are promoting class warfare but when the wealthy outsource jobs, refuse benefits and cut pay that's not class warfare. No that's what your entitled to do when part of The Club.
A free society should give the citizens proper information on vices, alcohol, drugs, gambling. Then allow the citizens to choose. This Country has and continues to waste trillions on The War on Drugs. Not only has this done nothing to deter drug use, it also empowers international criminal organizations around the world.
Legalizing all drugs is something that I'll devote an entire blog too but for now lets stick with pot. Willard says there is no need for Medical Marijuana because we already have drugs to deal with pain, nausea, loss of appetite and anxiety. That's true but what our Republican friends forget to tell you are all the side effects that these designer drugs carry. Liver damage, addiction, interactions with other meds and the list goes on and on. I laugh when marijuana is referred to as a gateway drug. Have you ever herd of OxyContin? I worked in a Pharmacy for six years and can tell you pain meds are one of the biggest problems in society for all ages and financial classes.
So why don't we give a natural product that is not physically addictive a chance? Well the company's that dispense the Vicodin, Oxy's, Dilaudid, Soma, Paxil etc. would be out billions of dollars. And that can't happen when your part of The Club.
People are dumb. The image of a tall clean cut older white guy in a suit tends to justify all the bullshit that comes out of these people's mouths. Weather it's touting the Bile while financially doing the opposite. {I don't think Jesus would agree with the Republican's stance on healthcare either} Or scaring people on the danger's of marijuana and poker while allowing alcohol, cigarettes, designer drugs to pad The Club's pockets. I think Mr. Gambini had it right.
Everything That Guy said is Bullshit.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)